


you were more than just a dream

by DirtyRottenRaskel



Series: i'm losing my mind and baby you're the reason [2]
Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, JJ Needs a Hug, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Sharing a Bed, by God i will make that a tag, guess who is attempting a multi chap work, jj friends are supportive, past Dub con, rn it's technically pre slash but we will get there, thornbank, topper needs someone to hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25098031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyRottenRaskel/pseuds/DirtyRottenRaskel
Summary: It had been a weird couple of days.First, he wakes up in Topper’s arms, in his freaking room, only to have the events of the past twelve hours come (painfully) crashing back to him. Sometime during the night, they must have ended up in the bed, which means Topper must have carried him there. Again.
Relationships: JJ/Topper (Outer Banks), Kiara/Pope (Outer Banks), john b/sarah (implied), past jj/john b (one sided), past topper/sarah cameron
Series: i'm losing my mind and baby you're the reason [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1817701
Comments: 34
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> pt. 2 of getting topper and jj to stop being stupid and realize they like each other :) 
> 
> no clue how many chapters this is going to end up being, but eventually! we will get to the part where they actually fall in love!

It had been a weird couple of days.

First, he wakes up in Topper’s arms, in his freaking room, only to have the events of the past twelve hours come (painfully) crashing back to him. Sometime during the night, they must have ended up in the bed, which means Topper must have carried him there. Again. 

JJ jerked away, letting the warm weight fall off of him as he scrambled across the stupidly big bed, so panicked that he ended up not just away from Topper, but off the bed entirely. A little puff of air was forced from his lungs as he hit the floor. Almost making it to the door to leave (leave this room, this house, this whole damned Kooked-out side of the Cut), a rustling from the bed stopped him short. 

His eyes flicked nervously towards the door again, trying to figure out if he could escape before Topper fully woke up, because  _ fuck _ , he was normally so good at sneaking out the morning after. Not that they had...done that, but still. The skills should have been transferable dammit. 

The door was  _ right there _ , he was  _ so close _ , but Topper was closer, somehow up and out of bed with superhuman speed, hands (gentle hands) on his shoulders. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, eyes crusted with sleep in the corners that did nothing to mask the hurt laid bare on his face. “Why- what were you trying to do?”

JJ sneered, already on the defensive. “What is this, twenty questions?” 

Topper blanched. “No, I just, I was wondering why you were up. It’s still like, stupid early.” 

His mind blanked as JJ just stood there, mouth half open as he tried to find a reason that wouldn’t make him seem too suspicious. 

“I had to pee?” 

“Then why are you sneaking around? Yeah, no, I call bullshit on that. You would have just told me.”

JJ grimaced. 

“Not to mention,” Topper continued, “you are still concussed, dumbass.”

He reached out, slowing when he saw JJ flinch. His fingers softened, palms facing JJ in a gesture of  _ i’m not gonna hurt you, promise _ . Those gentle hands cupped his face, fingertips brushing up into where the bandages touched his hairline as he tilted JJ’s face back and forth. He had to stand on his tiptoes a bit (much to JJ’s pleasure) to look him in the eyes. 

Now, underneath the trauma and the bravado (or maybe because of it), JJ was a big fan of physical touch. So fight him if he leans a little into the calloused warmth of Topper’s hands, chills running down his spine that have nothing to do with the cold hardwood beneath his bare feet. 

The hands on his face slid around to the back of his neck, carefully avoiding the wound there to play with the collar of his sleep shirt, as Topper pulled the taller boy’s face into his shoulder. He felt his hands settle on his waist, fingers curling into the top of his sleep pants. Topper twitched in at the feather light touch and hugged him closer. Because they were hugging. In Topper’s room. That JJ was trying very very hard to leave. 

He jerked his head away, ignoring the throbbing in his skull at the sudden movement, and stomped over to the couch to grab his wetsuit, only to find it wasn’t there. 

“Where the fuck did you put it Topper?” he growled, ignoring the deep hurt laced confusion that crossed the other boy’s face. 

“It’s in the shower,” Topper said, “I didn’t- I just thought that it would dry better hung up.”

JJ made his way to the attached bathroom ensuite, and pulled his wetsuit off the hanger as the hanger clattered to the floor of the shower. He stormed past the mirror, trying to get past it before he could look, but his treacherous eyes flicked over before he could help himself. 

His head was wrapped in bandages, face gaunt and pale, with dark shadows carved into the creases beneath his eyes. There were bruises peeking out from beneath the wraps, and without seeing he knew they would be worse on the back of his head. His hair stuck up in every direction, stiff with blood and saltwater. 

_ Disgusting, _ he thought as he looked at himself. 

JJ wretched his gaze away before his stupid ego delayed his escape any longer. 

“You could stay here, my parents aren’t gonna be home for a few weeks. Some dermatology conference or something,” Topper offered. 

JJ huffed. “I gotta… go help Heyward. After the storm you know. Since I run deliveries for him. Like I was doing, with Pope. When you attacked him. And beat the shit outta him for  _ no goddamn reason _ . So yeah. Thanks for the pity but I’m leaving.”

“Wait, I’m sor-”

“Just, fuck off ok?” he snarled. “Thank you for your help and all, but seriously. Fuck. Off.” 

Topper opened his mouth to say something, anything that would make JJ stay so he could apologize, but was met with a door slammed in his face (his own door. JJ slammed Topper’s door in his face, the arrogant asshole). He watched out the window as the blond stalked down the street, watching the idiot pull his bandages off as he went. 

He busies himself with working out (alone - neither Rafe nor Kelce come by anymore) and wandering around his house. No one was there to see him standing by himself in the middle of his kitchen, protein shake abandoned on the counter, so it shouldn’t have felt as awkward and as wrong as it did. 

A roar of an engine outside caught his attention and he looked out the window to see the gardeners had showed up. In a split second decision, Topper toed off his good running shoes and threw on an older pair and headed outside. 

He surveyed the damage to his own property from the storm, before jogging down his back steps and headed to the edges where some of the palm trees had their huge branches that had come crashing down. Topper grabbed some gloves and started chucking the branches into a bin one of the workers had brought with them. His arms protested at the physical work so soon after his workout, but it kept his mind off...other things. 

~~~ 

As unsanitary as it was, JJ was not about to show up at Mr. Heyward’s place with his head wrapped up, as that was the exact opposite of inconspicuous. He really needed to keep this job, and often, that meant flying under the radar. Unnoticed things don’t get yelled at. 

Apparently though, even without the bandages, he causes quite a ruckus. Or maybe it was the pyramid of canned peaches JJ tripped into and sent flying, clanging to the ground and drawing the eye of nearly every patron in the store. 

He was spacey all day, barely helpful to Pope as they ran deliveries. It got bad enough that Mr. Heyward himself commented on it. 

“Get your head outta the clouds, son!” he said, tone concerned despite the reprimand of the words themselves. 

JJ ignores the way his chest blooms at the way that he even noticed, and at the word son ( _ which is stupid, he had a dad! He shouldn't be so happy at even the thought of having someone else as his dad- Luke wasn’t a bad dad at all, he just had...bad days) _ . 

JJ laughs it off, and gets back to trucking food all over an island where every person there thinks his best friend is a cold blooded killer. So fun. In good news, no one spit on him today, it was just a few comments here and there, “under” people’s breath - comments he was definitely supposed to hear. 

It’s dark by the time he finishes, and the clouds are rolling in.

He hates storms now ok? Especially with virtually no place to go, as they kept threatening to foreclose on John B.’s house, and well, living with Luke wasn’t really an option. He spent his nights crashing at Pope’s or Kie’s places, after their parents were asleep of course. Sometimes he couch surfed from house to house of his various acquaintances from school. Nothing beat the Chateau though, until they pried it from his hands, it was all his.

Of course, it had no running water. Or A/C. Or WiFi. But really he just needed a place to crash, so if it works, it works. Plus, it helps (and hurts _so_ _so_ bad) that everything reminds him of his best friend. Sometimes he’ll grab one of his shirts from the drawer and press it into his face, because it still smells like him you know?

Tonight he grabbed his six pack and his half smoked joint from his bag and headed out onto the porch to watch the second leg of the storm roll the rest of the way in.

Three cans in and the persistently dull ache from the back of his head barely registered anymore. JJ closed his eyes and listened to the frantic crashing of waves onto the shore, the wind as it whipped trees and building alike.

An engine roared in the distance, and JJ waited for it to pass by, except it only seemed to be coming closer.

Only when it sounded like it pulled up next to the house did JJ turn and look, only to see the one and only Topper Thornton.

JJ grumbled under his breath, and rustled his hand around the floor until he found what he was looking for. Once his hand closed around the solid chunk of wood that used to be part of the door, he flung it at Topper.

“Fuck off dude. Why is that such a hard concept for you? Hot damn,” he grunted.

Topper rolled his eyes and heaved a great sigh as he turned to look at the disheveled blond in front of him. “You have a concussion, you’re camped out in a house for sale, and you’re wasted. Just let me help, ok?”

JJ rolled his eyes, and cracked another can open in deliberate belligerence.

“It would be pretty cruel of me to save you from drowning, only to let you die of alcohol poisoning the very next day, wouldn’t it,” Topper continued.

“How did you even find me,” JJ asked.

Topper jerked his head at the sign.

“Only house on the cut being foreclosed on, and well. I put two and two together. Why it’s for sale. Why you were on this part of the beach last night. Why you’re here again. I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid,” Topper explained, eyes flitting to look at the darkening sky above them. “Now let’s get back to my house. We can fight there all you want, but I really don’t want to drag your sorry ass through town in the middle of a storm again.”

He walked forwards and slowly (remembering the bruises that littered JJ’s torso) reached his hands out, palm up, for the blond to grab.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the fact that someone, even if that someone was his sworn enemy, have even half a fuck about him. Sue him, he’s human.

Not to mention Topper had this way of pleading that made it basically impossible to say no to.

He stood up and slung his backpack into his back, and followed Topper to his bike. Strangely, he didn’t drop his hand from the warm grasp Topper had it in.

JJ moved to straddle the bike, only to be stopped with a firm hand against his chest.

“My bike, I drive,” Topper said. 

Huffing, JJ slid off the bike, and let the other blond take his place. It was only once he had climbed back on behind him did JJ realize how much height he had on Topper, a good three inches. He wrapped his arms around him, and well if his fingers wandered a little on the muscled torso beneath him, well. He would blame it on the alcohol. 

“Fine, whatever you say, shortstack,” JJ quipped, looking far too smug for someone who still had a concussion. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow???? i posted an update?????  
> sorry for the delay, work picked up again and life got a little hectic, but we back now!  
> tw: for discussions of dubcon in the past

So that’s how he found himself crashing at Topper’s. It may be continuously wounding his pride, but damn he slept well. Except, of course, for the concussion alarms Topper kept setting every few hours. Something about needing to make sure he hadn’t died in his sleep or some dramatic shit like that. 

That boy somehow managed to possess every possible ounce of worry and concentrate it into one of the most concerned humans JJ had ever met. It was sweet, but at the same time, he found himself oddly...worried about Topper. Though, to be fair, being cheated on and then having your girlfriend die at sea  _ (not that they were dead, it just sometimes felt like it, plus the whole fugitive with the guy who your girlfriend left you for and now are on the run together thing) _ was not a fun time. 

The alarms, JJ begrudgingly admitted, were not going horrible. He wasn’t dead yet at least. It wasn’t until about three am when his brain decided to go a bit haywire. 

It started simply enough. Fingers drumming patterns onto his thigh. Faster and faster and faster until his forearm aches with the unrelenting motion. Shifting around on the stupidly soft sheets. Leg muscles clenching and unclenching subtly enough to (hopefully) not wake Topper up. Eyes wide as he tried to memorize the texture of the ceiling. Lungs aching as he tried to pull air into them, with little success. 

He gagged and rolled over, upper body hanging off the bed as he dry heaved for literally no reason, barring the fact that his body was fucked up and uncooperative. He slid down to sit on the floor, head bracketed between his knees as they dug into his temples. His hands shook as he clawed at his ankles, his calves, the floor as he tried to remind himself that he wasn’t underwater, there was air all around him, there was no reason he shouldn’t be able to breath. 

This had happened enough that JJ knew how to break down quietly. He glanced out the window, at the rain railing against the glass panes. 

Soundlessly railing against the windows. 

JJ was pretty sure that he should have been able to hear that, but then again he was pretty sure he also should have been able to breath as he dropped his head back down. 

Sweat dripped down the back of his neck, despite the chill of the A/C. He breathed in sharply through his nose. 

Slowly, slowly, he started to breath at a more human rate again. He felt it sting his lungs as he inhaled, raw in his nose and throat on the way in, shaking his whole body on the way out. Eventually he found his way back off of the ledge his brain had worked him up onto as he stood, unsteady, with a hand fisted in the sheets. 

He flopped his body onto the bed, with a complete lack of both grace and ability to give a fuck. Shifting across the bed until he was right beside Topper, JJ tucked his head into the junction of his neck and shoulder. Body weary and mind wearier, JJ dropped off into the heavy world of sleep within minutes. 

~~~ 

Sunlight sliced across his face, warming it as Topper tried to roll over, only to find something else warm pressed up against the entire length of his body. Tamping down his panic at another person in his bed, he let out a breath when he was that it was just JJ. 

_ Huh. Just JJ. The irony of that statement, and yet somehow it rang true.  _

The combination of sleep brought warmth from both their bodies as well as the summer heat outside had nothing on the A/C still raging, so Topper nestled back into the warmth behind him, not really giving a fuck about who it was and dozed off again. Well, attempted to doze anyways. 

His stomach jumped at the contact everytime JJ so much as breathed, a combination of nerves and warmth pooling in the pit of his gut as he tried to not focus on the way he could feel  _ every _ part of JJ’s body. Which, wow yeah. Maybe time to revisit the fact that he very much does not hate the feeling of a (larger, leanly muscled) male body against his own. 

Topper shifted so that he could look at JJ in the morning light, his shaggy hair as it brushed against his forehead, the furrow of his brow even as he slept, the swells and dips of his muscled arms as they were curled against his chest, the way he could see the cut of his abs before his (Topper’s actually) sleep shorts covered them. 

Swallowing down the moan that rose in his throat, Topper shut his eyes, tried to stop thinking horny, inappropriate thoughts about the half naked guy in his bed. 

He was just being a bro. A good friendly bro making up for all the stupid shit he got caught up in, who was letting an acquaintance crash at his place for the time being. Yeah. Definitely all that was happening here.  _ (Not like he was lonely and drowning in guilt and the barbs JJ flung at him made him feel alive for the first time in weeks. Maybe even years, but let’s not look too closely at that).  _

Swinging between horny and sad was going to give him fucking whiplash at this rate. 

~~~ 

This wasn’t his room. 

This wasn’t John B.’s place either. 

JJ held still, trying to hold his body as if he were still asleep, and slowly opened his eyes, trying to piece together where he was. Obviously in someone else’s bed, but no one was yelling at him yet, so maybe they had wanted him there? 

His gaze slid over pale blue sheets, over the golden skin of the person next to him, only to jerk back when his gaze settled upon Topper’s face. 

Images whipped through his mind, last night coming back to him in pieces. 

Leaving. Working. Trying to get drunk at the Chateau. Ending back at Topper’s. 

He made to sit up, only to find himself essentially wrapped around the boy next to him. Topper’s blue eyes flitted up to meet his, as he held his hands up as if trying to placate a wild animal. Honestly not a bad move considering their history. 

“Hey, hey don’t worry about it man,” he rushed out, “I let you crash here, considering your injury and apparent inability to take care of yourself.” 

JJ just stared at him. 

“It’s just, uhh,” Topper continued. “I don’t mind having you here, so like, don’t worry about feeling like a burden or anything - not that you are! You’re not!” 

He cut himself off and let out a huff of air. Air that JJ felt across his collarbone, reminding him of how close they were. 

JJ rolled his eyes, grin pulling at the corners of his mouth at Topper’s obvious discomfort, “Fuck you man.”

“I mean sure, if you’re asking nicely,” Topper said. 

The gentle morning air snapped into something suffocating and heavy between them as JJ went rimrod straight, half off the bed as he processed what Topper had said. 

He turned to see the other boy looking at him, eyes dark, and it finally clicked in JJ’s head. Of course. It all made sense now. 

~~~ 

Topper opened his mouth to ask JJ what the fuck just happened, when the blond lunged at him and grabbed the buttons of his sleep shirt, because when you have money and nothing but time, why not model your pajamas after your fancy work clothes, nevermind how ridiculously soft his shirt was. 

“Is this what you want,” JJ pleaded softly. “Is this what you want from me?”

Topper blinked, trying to protest, but JJ cut him off, sliding into his lap as soon as he had his shirt unbuttoned. 

“Is this why you keep talking to me? Taking care of me? Bringing me to your house? Becasue you want to fuck me? Is this what you want? Just ask, it’s not like I could say no anyways” JJ spat, hoping the venom in his words distracted him from the wetness in his eyes. 

“I- I mean, like… I wouldn’t mind,” Topper started, eyes wide with panic, “but- wait, no, hold up.”

He grabbed JJ’s hands, and gently pulled them off his body, the other still refusing to meet his gaze. JJ shifted his lanky limbs so that he was seated upright in the middle of Topper’s bed, curled up against the headboard. Topper tried to ignore the sickening feeling in his gut at the way JJ flinched away from him. It reminded him of when he had haltingly explained the bruises on his body. 

Topper gagged, but he… he needed to know who made JJ think that he needed to repay literally the bare minimum of human kindness with some sort of sexual favor that he clearly did not want to engage in. 

Suddenly, everything slid into place, making a sickening amount of sense. The bruises, JJ’s offhand comments, the way he seemed to just...detach from reality at times, the way he jumped everytime Topper moved towards him. 

“Was it…” Topper trailed off, blinking to recollect himself. “Did your dad do...this too? Did he make you think you had to...repay people like this? Because like, first of all, absolutely not, no one should ever have to do something they don’t want to - especially not physically. And also, yeah I mean you’re attractive, and if you were enthusiastically consenting, and it meant something to you, then I would absolutely be down, but not like this. Never like this JJ.” 

JJ glared a hole in the wall across from him, blue-green eyes burning as he shook from shame and rejection. 

He took a deep breath, flinching a little at the way it pulled as his ribs, and finally slid his gaze over to Topper. “No, it- I mean my dad never did that to me.”

“He would just, I dunno, sometimes make comments like ‘put that pretty face to use’ and such but never, he never touched me. Not like that. Always said I was too disgusting to be worth touching anyways.” He let out a bitter laugh. 

“I guess it just became a way to get things when I had nothing you know? I mean, well your Kook ass would have no idea, clearly,” he said, voice low and frustrated. “Sometimes if I went home with a girl and grabbed something from her kitchen on the way out, or talked a guy into grabbing takeout for us if I blew him, it was the difference between being able to eat or not. I’m a proud guy, but pride tends to fly out the window when you’re literally starving.” 

JJ shrugged, as if that was just the way things were. He slumped back against the headboard behind him, all the fight and tension coiled up in his lithe body seeming to just bleed out of him. 

“Not to mention that… this, it’s just that when you’re naked with someone they sorta have to pay attention to you, ya know? Sometimes I just felt like I needed to know that people still knew I existed. ‘I don’t care what you think as long as it’s about me’ and all that,” JJ said, voice low as he refused to meet Topper’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Topper gasped out, “I am so, so sorry, for everything you had to do to get by, for accidentally implying that you needed to repay me, somehow - but seriously, no. You don’t. Please. It’s fine.” 

He reached a hand out, stopping midair when he remembered JJ’s earlier reaction. At the nod of a shaggy blond head, he let his hand settle on JJ’s knee. Rubbing his thumb in gentle circles over his knee, Topper worked the tight muscles of his knee and thigh, knowing that for him at least, those muscles tended to get sore when he had been surfing. Judging by the hard knots under his fingers, he wasn’t the only one. 

“Is this ok,” he asked, not wanting to push him in any way. 

“Yeah,” JJ rasped out. 

Topper nodded, hands still running up and down JJ’s thighs (keeping to the outer sides and his knee, not wanting to insinuate anything). 

“You wanna know what I think?” Topper asked. 

After a split second of deliberation, JJ’s head bobbed up and down. 

“I think you’re pretty damn hard to ignore, JJ Maybank,” he said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh so formatting question: do u feel like it's too spaced between the paragraphs? lmk if its wack or i'm just being weirdly anal ab it ha
> 
> note as of 9/28 - i have not forgotten ab this story, dw! i just started college so i’m just like getting repeatedly punched in the face lmao


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh look at me updating!  
> sorry i was so delayed in this, i just started college & wow. totally getting my ass kicked but it's ok bc i love it & i really like what i'm studying   
> hope u enjoy this chap!

The two of them settled into something of a routine in the next few days. JJ would disappear off to work or wherever he went when he wasn't at Toppers and Topper fucked around the house lifting weights and clearing storm debri and racking up hours on Call of Duty until night fell and they both ended up in Topper’s room. They didn’t talk about it, but without fail, every night they curled up on opposite sides of the bed, and every morning they woke up pressed together. 

This morning, however, the two boys sat shoulder to shoulder at the head of Topper’s bed, the weight of the world seeming to weigh upon them. JJ was slowly nodding off despite the sunshine filtering in from behind the curtains, head dropping periodically. Eventually it lolled to the side, ending up on Topper’s shoulder. 

The Pouge shifted to look up at him, his breath warm across his neck, and Topper blushed furiously. 

Topper looked down, his nose brushing JJ’s, a thrill racing down his spine, electrifying his body in a way he had never felt before. The butterflies that had apparently taken up residence in his stomach were flinging themselves around now, fluttering this way and that. 

Topper moved his head, felt JJ’s warm breath coast across his mouth, and knew that if he dipped down just a bit further, their lips would meet. And Topper really, really wanted their lips to meet. 

Crazy isn’t it? Topper Thornton, king of the Kooks, seemingly set for life, living what seems to be the picture perfect American dream, lost his girlfriend (twice - since leaving him for John B. wasn’t enough, she had to go off and die with him too) his friends, and his reputation in the span of about a month. Now here he was, thinking about kissing a boy (and wasn’t that a new, but not entirely unwelcome, feeling), and feeling the most at ease he’s been in what feels like years. 

With Sarah, he had loved her. There was no question about it. But maybe it wasn’t the kind of love he thought it was. It didn’t thrill him, didn’t send shivers down his spine, make him feel giddy about the chance to spend time with her. Sarah was safe, and expected, and he knew what he was doing. He enjoyed hanging out with her, worried about how reckless she could be, liked her company at parties and kickbacks. But maybe it was that companionship he craved, rather than the relationship itself. This, though, with JJ - this felt light years different. Because when it came to JJ, Topper felt like someone had stuck a livewire down his spine, and yet, he couldn’t get enough of the feeling. It had only been a little over a week ago that he pulled him from the water, but it was like his whole world had tilted on its axis, because everything felt so different now. 

Topper gazed down at the boy on his shoulder, only to be jolted out of his reive by the rumble of JJ’s stomach. 

The atmosphere gone in a snap, he let out a startled laugh, taking care not to jostle JJ too much. 

“Damn, my appetite really out here killing the vibe, huh,” JJ said, eyes restless despite his grin. He leapt off the bed, long gait carrying him into the hall and halfway down the stairs before Topper even had the covers off. 

~

JJ strutted into the kitchen, cocky smile wide across his face. 

“Listen man, I  _ got this _ , I used to make shit edible at John B.’s all the time,” he said, ignoring the draft that races through the room at his name, eyes briefly going distant at the  _ hurtlonginghappinesslonliness  _ of all the memories flashing behind his eyes, wrapping around his heart. “I’m like, fucking amazing at this.” 

He shook his head, and the grin was back in a heartbeat, as if the moment had never happened. Opening the fridge, he blanched a little when he realized that the milk wasn’t expired - not even close. 

In fact, the fridge was absolutely stuffed, way more food than one person could reasonably eat, even if they had the physical physique of a guy like Topper. It had all been meticulously organized too, veggies lined up in little rows, the cheese and the butter all stacked up in their own drawer, the milk and orange juice and what seemed to be a protein shake all looked to be standing up with rapt attention, as if their commander was going to walk down the line at any moment. 

JJ pulled the milk out of the fridge, and after a moment found the chocolate sauce in the door as well. The eggs and the butter came next, also coming to sit on Topper’s stupidly nice granite top island. 

Walking over to the stove, he lit the front right burner (the best one obviously), hand out to smack it into working, only to realize that there was no flame, since this was apparently one of those flat stoves that just got really hot with no warning.

He grabbed a paper off the table, a receipt or something, and dropped it on the stove, trying to see if he could still set things on fire without a flame. Within seconds, the scrap ignited, and burned up into nothing but smoke. 

Topper’s house was fucking weird. Cool, but also definitely weird. 

“What, you practicing for arson now?” Topper, speak of the devil, drawled from the doorway, lips twisted in wry smile. 

“Of course, how else am I supposed to wreak havoc on the wealthy bastards of the Outer Banks?” JJ laughed. 

“Oh, also,” he continued, “breakfast! I was gonna make eggs, and chocolate milk, maybe cereal if you’ve got any.” 

Topper nodded, and turned away, rubbing the still lingering sleep from his eyes. He shuffled over to the kitchen stool, and collapsed onto it, head resting on his hand, while his heavy gaze rested on JJ. 

“Go ahead then,” Topper said, “amaze me.” 

His cheeks flamed, for literally no reason, because he sure as hell wasn’t blushing because what, Topper was looking at him? Merely existing in the same space in all his sleep rumpled morning glory? Nah, it must just be the summer heat or something. 

Two plates of only slightly burnt scrambled eggs, protein powder filled chocolate milks, and a bowl and a half of Cheerios later, JJ was able to call breakfast a success. 

The two mostly ate in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. Not really. Topper half heartedly flipped through the morning paper, like a fucking old man. Literally who reads the paper anymore. Rich people, JJ guessed. Or maybe this was just a Topper thing, he wasn’t quite sure. 

As much as the solidarity in silence thing was cool, JJ was getting a little twitchy and restless. He didn’t want to leave for work yet, both since it was about two hours too early and he really didn’t feel like getting chewed out by Kie for hanging out with Topper, but he also didn’t feel like getting up to do anything else. But the lack of anything made his brain feel like someone was carving a hole into it. 

Of course! It was Saturday wasn’t it? And really, there was only one way to spend a Saturday morning. 

~

“Hey!” JJ said, breaking the silence. “You uh, got any good morning cartoons or any of that to watch? Can’t really have a Saturday morning without a little cartoon action, I hear.” 

In all honesty, Topper couldn’t remember the last time he had watched cartoons with someone on a weekend morning. Life, lately, had been straight up fucking weird, so at this point, he wasn’t sure he even wanted to question it. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m down for that,” he said, walking over to the couch and flipping through the few cable channels they got in the Outer Banks. Tom and Jerry reruns were on one of the channels, and who was he to turn down one of the absolute hallmarks of Saturday cartoons? 

The two boys ended up migrating to the couch at some point, and personal space seemed to become irrelevant as JJ’s leg pressed against Topper’s. His chest did a weird spasm at the touch but he didn’t dare disturb the peace. That is, until the effects of chugging his protein shake caught up with him (and listen - the only reason he drank it that fast was because it kept his stupid morning brain from saying whatever it was thinking, and with JJ around, that lack of filter was a dangerous game). 

“Bro,” Topper said, shoving gently at JJ with his shoulder, “dude, I gotta pee, lemme up, you big lump.” 

An overtone of fondness colored his words, making the insult sound like a pet name. 

_ Jesus Topper, get a grip. Now is so not the time _ , he snapped at his stupid brain’s feelings. 

He struggled up off the couch, not wanting to trip over JJ’s gangly limbs that were sprawled across the space and made his way to the bathroom. Before he got there, though, he paused in the doorway, watching as the screen lit up the room as the sound of Tom and Jerry wrecking havoc filled the air, punctured by JJ’s quips and narration as he watched the show. 

Seeing his house full of life and energy, a glimpse into what it would look like as a home, it made something in his chest clench. Topper had always thought of himself as a family man, but in more of an abstract way - coming home to a faceless wife, eating dinner, fixing cars and helping the kids with homework on the weekends and such. Seeing this though, the raw domesticity of it, made the future seem like something he could almost look forward to. Milestones that were victories and celebrations, rather than speed bumps on his way to an early grave. 

Something was crawling around in his heart, something that felt strangely like happiness. 

~

JJ was reluctant to go to work today. Despite the awkwardness of the nights he just seemed to keep spending with Topper (and in all honesty they weren’t bad persay, just thick with unaddressed tension), this morning had been something straight out of a dream. 

Not that JJ dreamed sappy loser dreams about domestic bliss or anything gross like that. No way. His dreams were obviously the coolest, full of wild adventure and banging chicks and dicks left and right. Clearly, he was a certified badass. 

But this morning had been...nice, and he was incredibly reluctant to leave. Not that he had much time to be reluctant, only catching the time when the nine o’clock news anchor interrupted the great escapades of Tom and Jerry to remind all the viewers that she had a fresh scandal to report on in the nine o’clock hour, in just fifteen minutes. Which was precisely the time that JJ needed to catch the bus to make it to work by 9:30 for when his shift started. 

Swearing, he threw on his sneakers that had ended up in Topper’s mudroom and grabbed his phone before dashing out the door, pausing only to throw a quick “Bye Topper, I’ll be home by dinner” over his shoulder as he left. 

He smiled when he heard a faint “Alright, be safe today” in return. 

Somehow, he miraculously made it to work on time (something he had really been working on, since they only pay you for the hours you actually work, apparently, and honestly he really needed the money right now). Also, he got to work with one of his best friends so he wasn’t complaining too much though. Even if she was acting like a nosey bastard at the moment. 

“JJ,” she groaned for the fifth time, trailing behind him as they cleaned up after the morning rush, “where the fuck have you been, dude. I like, almost started to miss your scrawny ass.” 

He just shrugged, looking anywhere but at her, as if he could dodge the topic as easily as he dodged eye contact. 

Kiara ducked in front of him, plates stacked against her hip as she pinned him with her gaze. Her free hand grasped his shoulder gently, pausing for a second before making contact as a way of giving him a warning before she touched him. 

“You’re acting like you're guilty of something, JJ,” she began, “but I want you to know I don’t care. I’m not going to judge you, or be mad at you, or yell at you. You’re my friend and I just want you to be okay, okay?” 

JJ gritted his teeth, waring with himself over whether or not to tell her. He didn’t quite believe that she wasn’t going to yell, and he was honestly still sort of mad over how after everything that happened, she and Pope turned to each other, and left him out in the cold. He understood why they grew so close, really. He got it. That doesn’t mean it didn’t still hurt though. 

He looked at her, looked around at the relatively empty restaurant, and sighed, collapsing into the booth they had just cleared and gestured for Kie to do the same. 

“I-” he started, before trailing off at the sight of Pope coming around to loop an arm around Kie’s shoulders as he sat next to her. The two exchanged a look, and then turned back to him and JJ figured he may as well get this over with. 

JJ took a deep breath and started again, “I’ve been sleeping with Topper.” 

“At his house! Like just sleeping. All PG and shit. I swear,” he rushed to explain at the twin looks of alarm across his friend’s faces. 

“Look, he found me on the beach a couple of days ago, cuz my board knocked me out or whatever,” he mumbled the last bit, hoping they wouldn’t catch it, but by the way their frowns deepened, he knew they had. “I ended up crashing at his place, and I just...didn’t leave, I guess. Was nice to crash somewhere I wasn’t really afraid of getting beaten to a pulp in the morning for walking suspiciously, ya know.”

He shrugged again, not really itching to go more into detail of just how nice it had all been. 

Kie looked at Pope, and then back at JJ before speaking. 

“Listen, I stand by what I said earlier. I’m not judging, angry or going to yell. I’m definitely confused, and more than a little worried, but I just want to make sure you’re ok,” she said. 

Pope nodded, before cutting in, “Why though? Why him?”

“He… I don’t really know. He found me, he helped me, and then just let me keep hanging around. It was nice I guess, to have company and someone to talk to, someone I didn’t have to explain myself to,” JJ said. 

Kie slid a hand across the table, palm up, and JJ gently put his hand on top of hers, only to have it covered by the warmth of Pope’s palm too. 

“I guess we really haven't been around,” she said, the corners of her mouth tilted downwards. 

JJ grumbled something under his breath, but didn’t disagree with her. 

“Is he trying to fuck you? Is that what this is about,” Pope asked, always looking for the answer to things. 

JJ’s hand tensed where it was in their little pile, but he didn’t pull away. Man, fuck his friends for knowing him and his history a little too well. 

“No, it’s not like that. Well,” he stumbled over his words in attempts to get them out fast enough, brain running faster than his mouth was, “I thought it was? At first? But we didn’t, and he was really adamant about consent and shit and how I didn’t owe him anything, and he sort of apologized, I think? For like implying accidentally that that is what he wanted, because it’s not, or maybe it is, just not right now? I don’t know, I’m really confused and kind of freaked out right now, guys.” 

The couple across from him exchanged another one of their weird telepathic glance thingies. 

“Well, what are you feeling,” Kie asked him. 

“What?”

“Like right now, how do you feel about Topper, and his house, and your general state of being,” she elaborated. 

JJ turned the thought over in his head, before saying, “I think I might miss him, a little bit. He’s kind of funny, and also his house is nice. Stupid, for sure, full of a bunch of Kook shit, but I don’t know. It scares me a little how not-scared I feel with him. And also he is a little bit ripped, and it’s just kind of nice to look at him, sort of.” 

His face was bright red at his confession. It wasn’t like his friends didn’t know he was bisexual (in fact, it was Kie who introduced him to the concept a few years back when he told her that John B. was his favorite friend ever, and he just wanted to hang out with him all the time and buy a house with him so they could grow old together in it, and Kie had said she once felt the same way about Sarah. It was nice to have someone who understood). There was just something embarrassing about admitting his feelings out loud like that. 

A smirk crossed Kie’s face, as she said, “You know what JJ, it sounds like you are describing a real and proper crush on the guy.” 

JJ groaned and dropped his head to the table. 

“We just want to see you happy, man, and if Topper really does it for you, and if he continues his path towards not being as much of an asshole anymore, we’re here to support you in this,” Pope said. 

“Thanks guys,” JJ said, “I’ve missed you. I’ve missed this.” 

Pope and Kiara smiled at him, before Pope stood up, using their combined hands to drag the other two with him into a hug. 

“We good?” he asked. 

“Yeah, we good,” JJ said, shifting a little closer into the embrace. 

The broke apart after that, still being at work with jobs to do and all, but JJ didn’t mind all that much, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders a little bit. 

He couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off his face for the rest of his shift. 

~

As they were wrapping up the late lunch crowd, she heard a motorcycle engine out front. She watched with glee as Topper hopped off the bike, and jogged up the steps to meet a very surprised JJ at the door. 

“I wanted to surprise you,” she heard him say, “So that you don’t have to catch the bus home tonight.” 

Kie had the pleasure of watching a blush creep across JJ’s face, as he grinned toothily at Topper, before tugging him out the door with a “Peace out, losers” aimed at her and Pope. 

She watched through the window of the now dim restaurant as Topper moved closer to JJ, pulling the helmet off of the seat of his bike and (gently) wrestled it onto his head. 

A soft smile pulled at the edges of JJ’s lips, visible even in the fading light. It was a look that she hadn’t seen on his face in months. It was in the way he leaned into Topper slightly, standing closer together than the late summer heat warranted. 

Despite her reservations, maybe this wasn’t going to be as bad as she originally feared. Maybe this was what JJ had needed all along. 

She watched them pull out, JJ howling with laughter as they kicked up dirt and gravel behind them as they took off into the night, and realized that she hadn’t heard him laugh like that in a long, long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> r u gonna look me in the face and tell me that jj wasn't at least a little in love with john b. at some point?? obvi they're just friends now, but there was def smth there for a while   
> also, i just wanted jj's friends to love him and support him bc that's what he deserves ok

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments & kudos always appreciated :)  
> i finally learned how to link my [tumblr](https://dirtyrottenraskel.tumblr.com/) and that is very sexy of me


End file.
